Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
