yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
