Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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