If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
