i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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