And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's get the cat blown out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
