I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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