I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sobbing to NWA
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
