Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
