The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
