I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
