Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize