I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
