Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
