but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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