So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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