Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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