If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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