That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
