So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
