Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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