the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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