I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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