I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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