My first STD was from a foam party
You work out of a Hotel?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
