He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
