I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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