Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
