I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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