The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
