There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
