I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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