I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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