so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
