woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
