Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
