in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
