It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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