...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
