I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
