He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
