their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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