paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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