Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
