Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
