normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
