Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
