nut hugger
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
