also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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