If that was your dad, he is hot
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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