Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
