she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
