Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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