i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
