No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize