So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
