Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
they need to just BURY HIM!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
only you would photoshop your dick
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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