I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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