apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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