If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
