My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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