we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
