i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh god it's open bar.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
