Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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