Hey man sorry I got all grabby
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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