Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
