apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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