he thought i was a dude.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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