Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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