His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
