Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
