Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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