Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
