I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
