um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize