I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize