Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
