I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
