But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
