So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
